A deep, long, lost & confused contemplation!

I gave a deep thought bout my future.
Wonders filled up the space ...
How will my life be like in future?
Whad will i be doing?
Am i a successful person?
Am i happy as it is?

Frankly speaking,
i'm a person who does decisions/actions & later on, regret on em!
It's always happening to me.
I tried changin' that, but, it doesnt seemed to work in any way at all.

Many things have changed this year.
It's about to meet its END-ing, but, i'm still the same-old-ME!

I hate myself for being
a fickle-minded,
forgetful,
irresponsible,
useless,
selfish & anti-social person at times.

Sometimes, i'll just go to a corner & think bout it.
Why is there sucha huge diff btw me & sis?
Afterall, we are blood-bonded SISTERS!
I meant my elder sis (if u'r wondering).
She's a person who does the precise decisions (most of the time).
I'm really envious of her for such a personality she owns.
But, i'm a total contradiction. :(

Sometimes, i do wonder what am i doing actually!
For instance, my college studies now.
I'm bout to begin my last sem for this Foundation in Communication course
in Taylors Coll.

However, after the Foundation course,
i'll be leavin Taylors Coll forever. :(

To be precise, i'll just be wasting this year's studies.
I had a deep, long contemplation bout movin over to Sg & enroll in MDIS.
MDIS is a well-known private college in Singapore.
I'm still studying the same course.
Yeah, i knoe, whads da point, right?? (sigh)
Lets just assumed that i'm bored of Subang life now.
I can't deny the fact that,
I get tired of something in a short period of time,
but, do exclude friendship & relationship!
I treasure them a lot in my life.

I'm a coward decision-maker.
Its mainly because, i don't wanna face regrets!
It sucks totally!

I told myself this,

" If I really decide on MDIS in Sg, therefore,
i've gotta finish my studies there, by hook or by crook,
the number of modules, a higher level of expectation on everything,
competitiveness atmosphere and the struggle i'm bout to face !!!
I can't afford to waste any more time in my life.
I've to stop whinning and move on.
No Pain, No Gain, Ee Von! "

BUT! There's still a "but ..." in me!!
I'm afraid that i'll regret deciding on MDIS, over Taylors College.
because, i'll miss those laid-back classes,
a whole bunch of lively & whackeylicious coursemates,
the late nightlife of yumchas,foos(AC), movies(TGV) & clubbing(Bar Celona & MOS),
the eleventh hour finishin up assignments in the library,
working on a project together & many many more that i'll definitely MISS out in Subang!

I gave myself an alternative to that.
If i miss those times,
i can always drive up to Subang & spend few nights there!

If i miss my coursemates & Subang friends,
i can always drive up to Subang as i'm familiar with the route over there!

If i'm lack of social life,
i can always look for em, be it in Malacca / Singapore / Subang!

If i'm able to attend any functions in Subang (eg. close-friends b'day celeb),
i 'll definitely drive up!

I gave myself a way out to all those things that im sure to miss out in Subang.
I believe that Singapore will do me lots of good.
They are for me & my fellow friends to judge on.

Did i just sort all out in a right manner?
hmm ...

Will i ever regret with this decision which i've just made 24hrs ago?
What are the changes that will happen?
What is the result to this decision?

The answer to all these questionnaires filled with curiousity
will only emerge when it's TIME!!!

Good night & sweetdreams fellos.
-xoxo-